It’s been a good long while since I wrote anything at all. I don’t really like that but, I was busy in some fantastic and wonderful ways over the summer. I spent lots of time enjoyed my kids and their “last” summer before starting school. We took a vacation to Texas to visit family an friends. We played and biked and hiked and watched movies and had museum Fridays and just lived a happy life. It was wonderful.
But, we missed somebody. We missed their dad, my husband, a whole big awful lot. We missed him during those happy moments and we really missed him when one tired, overworked, stressed, lonely Mommy was not enough. And there were a lot of those moments. I missed him on Saturday mornings when the kids and I would snuggle and watch cartoons in my bed. I’d have to be in the middle to hug them both, instead of them in the middle, protected from falling off the bed if we all fell back to sleep. I missed the comfort of knowing they were protected on both sides. I missed hearing him moan about not getting to sleep late. We missed him at dinner times and thier pride at trying and liking new foods. I missed sharing all the special little day-to-day things they picked up, things that are quickly and easily forgotten between phone and skype calls….
And he came home. But he didn’t really. He’s different. He’s not the same person who left and he’s definitely not the person I married 10 years ago. I’m not either, don’t get me wrong. Everyone changes in 10 years. I know I’ve grown up and matured and learned so much about life, the world, myself, who I REALLY AM, and what I really want in and for my life. The way he’s changed is not so much about growing up and maturing as it is growing into himself, kind of like an ingrown toenail. It’s growth, but it’s not healthy. There isn’t any light in him anymore, at least not for me.