A year ago, I was forced out of the business I had worked my ass off to start. My heart was broken and my trust was completely destroyed. At the time I was still trying to get divorced and had very little hope of it being resolved amicably. (That’s a whole other story…) A year ago, I felt like my light went out completely. I hit rock bottom and landed with a thud… and I stayed there for a while. I shut out so many people. The few who I didn’t cut off I kept at arm’s length because I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone. Literally no one….
It’s been an amazing year since then. I discovered that even at rock bottom, I was still worthy of love. I still had value without my business and my ambition. I found out that even when I felt completely and utterly lost, people still loved me.
I got my light back. It took a while, but damned if that psychic I spoke with two years ago wasn’t right. I told her at the time I was struggling to figure out what to do because I felt torn and she asked me what I couldn’t give up. I told her “my school, of course” and she said “when you let go, you will be happier than you ever imagined possible. it’ll take about two years, but you’ll get there.” Now, I thought FOR SURE, that she was talking about letting go of my marriage and my real estate career, NOT my school. I never imagined that I’d be happy with my life the way it is now, or with myself the way I am now. But I am. Letting go was the best thing I ever did.
It wasn’t supposed to look like this. Life SHOULD have looked differently by now…. BUT…
My amazing therapist said to me last week, “remember, you shouldn’t ‘should’ yourself. ‘Should’ is a word based in expectations and life will rarely be what we expect. Remain grateful and hopeful, do your best, and live each day the best way you can. That’s all we ‘should’ do.”