I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures.

– Lao-Tzu

I get to talk to my mentor about twice a year now. We both have very busy lives and live about 1000 miles apart and he’s honestly just hard to pin down. He was hard to pin down when we worked in the same office. Sometimes, I would have to literally sit on his desk to get his attention long enough to get to the work I needed his help with. In that way, he has long been teaching me patience. But last night, we finally caught up after several months.

I told him what my problem was that has been keeping me up at night. I feel untethered to everything and everyone on the planet right now, except my kids, and I don’t know which way to go. It isn’t an unfamiliar feeling. Sometimes, when I am on the highway driving home from work, I think about what it would be like to just keep going, not taking my exit, what it would be like to not have my children to go home to, to just go until the road ends and leave every detail of my present life behind. But. I can’t. Because I have two kids who have no one else, and I love them and need them. But they don’t always keep me grounded.

That ungrounded feeling is fucking terrifying. It’s the call of the void and I know it well. It is the universe saying there are things coming that I am not quite ready for, changes it is going to require me to make, and if I don’t, then I’ll be stuck in a loop until I am willing to make those changes. That loop is a purgatory. I hate being in limbo but at the same time it can be completely paralyzing.

We talked for a couple of hours about all the details, the whys and what fors of what all is on my mind. Then, he got to it:

Sit down, shut up, and listen to your heart. Then, do whatever the hell it is YOU WANT, so you can take care of YOU.

Simple. Patient. Compassionate.

Take care of yourself.

Love life,

Allie