All great truths begin as blasphemies.

– George Bernard Shaw

This evening my daughter and I rewatched a bit of Joseph Campbell’s Power of Myth docu-series on Netflix. If you’ve never seen it, check it out.

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.

– The Buddha

My happiness has still been tucked away today. I kept reminding myself to just breathe through each moment. I will keep reminding myself that tomorrow, and the next tomorrow, and the next. We have 4 days left until spring break. I want to run away. I’ve felt like I wanted to run away and hide until I find myself again for quite a while. Quite a while. But I can’t. I still get so resentful of my ex, that he gets to live his life without the responsibility of being a parent. Then I remember that despite how hard it is, our hardest day is a thousand times better than the best day when he was here. Then I remember how broken he is. I take a deep breath and remember how much I can still do for myself and my little family of 3.

Today I saw a new doctor, both new to me and the profession. He was adorable and called himself “Dr. Jacques” instead of by his last name. He was from Lafayette (Louisiana) which meant during my exam we talked crawfish and humidity. He said I was his first patient who wasn’t a little kid or an old person. “So, I’m your first adult patient.” “Young adult patient, yes!” My white hair laughed at that. He wasn’t so bad as doctors go. He gave me a “headache protocol” adjustment to help with my migraine. He told me to “try to relax” at least 5 times. I can’t relax, Doc. That’s the problem.

I’ve been doing too much. Typical for me to try to avoid feeling everything by keeping overly busy. Typical that it doesn’t work and I get myself to a point where I’m exhausted and my emotional barrier is tissue paper thin and everything rips through at the worst possible time.

This weekend I am taking a break. No kids, no phone, and no technology for 24 hours. I think I’ll go to the mountains by myself for the day. I need to restore my inner happiness and relight my candle.