I have started writing day after day, and decide I don’t like what I’ve written, or it has headed in a different direction than I originally intended so I pause and save to finish later, but have yet to finish any of those blogs. So, here I am, start over yet again. I feel like that may be a metaphor for something, but I’m not sure what.

It’s not what you look at that matters. It’s what you see.

– Henry David Thoreau

Ah, perspective. I have gotten some interesting insights and perspectives this week. Tonight, my violin instructor and I were talking about life outside of violin lessons and discussing military life. I do not miss military life. AT ALL. I didn’t particularly enjoy it when I was a military spouse and I enjoyed it even less once I had children. It isn’t a lifestyle conducive to stability and that is really important to me. (Whoa. I just acknowledged a need that I have and didn’t feel anything but honest and valid for sharing. That is progress.)

My instructor and I were discussing mental health and therapy that is approved by the military health care system. I was expressing to her how difficult it was when I was still married to find adequate (adequate, not even GOOD!!!) therapists to help with PTSD and family trauma. My instructor is a victim’s advocate for women who survive domestic violence, abuse, sexual assault, etc. so she is very familiar with the system. We talked about the little bit that has changed and the huge amount that has not.

I had forgotten how nice it felt to be able to talk to someone who understands what it is like going through a deployment. I had honestly forgotten my own perspective on it, it’s been so long. Isn’t that odd? To forget such a huge chunk of your life?

I want to write more but I am so sleepy. I am doing something scary and exciting tomorrow and plan to write all about it.