“Do you think I know what I’m doing?
That for one breath or half-breath I belong to myself?
As much as a pen knows what it’s writing,
Or the ball can guess where it’s going next? ”
I don’t know what I’m doing, but I don’t think it matters that much at the moment.
Actually, at this moment, I’m writing this, from my bed, when I should be sleeping. So there’s that. I’ve been painting my house a little bit every day, except today because it rained, and I believe I am painting it because if I don’t change something soon I’m going to go completely off the reservation. Remember that I was considering other jobs? I’m not considering so much any more. Where I’m at is fine and I’m just a malcontent who likes to stir up trouble for myself, I think. Plus, I get bored easily.
I was speaking with my brother and he pointed out that I get a good deal whiny when I’m not challenged by anything or anyone. I know that is true. Work has only been challenging me in the way routines challenge me. I just have to stick to it. It isn’t stimulating. My children are away for the summer with their grandparents and I feel listless. And so, I decided to paint the whole interior of the Airy Fairy Lair. I needed a challenge.
Crazy Isn’t Part Time status is… meh. I am having a difficult time writing down the things I want to say. I am being a bit of a coward in all honesty. Confronting your own shadow is messy. I’m trying to clean up my crazy before I put her out on the porch for you all to see. But, as much as I am hating writing right now, I am still doing it. I think I hit 60,000 words on Sunday, or early Monday. Maybe I’ll actually have a finished book someday.
And hey, look at that! Two blogs in two days.
Stay gold, Pony Boy.