Just try to feel your own weight, in your own seat, in your own feet. Okay? So if you can feel that weight in your body, if you can come back into the most personal identification, a very personal identification, which is: I am. This is me now. Here I am, right now. This is me now. Then you don’t feel like you have to leave, and be over there, or look over there. You don’t feel like you have to rush off and be somewhere.
– Bill Murray
Is Bill Murray a Zen Buddhist? Let’s check the google…. Huh, well, it seems he may be. I found this other quote:
“This is your life, not a rehearsal,” Murray said to TimeOut magazine a few years ago. “Somewhere, there’s a score being kept, so you have an obligation to live life as well as you can, be as engaged as you can. The human condition means that we can zone out and forget what the hell we’re doing. So the secret is to have a sense of yourself, your real self, your unique self. And not just once in a while or once a day but all through the day, the week and life. You know what they say: ‘Ain’t no try; ain’t nothing to it but to do it.’ “
I dig it.
That is interesting because I think about the movie Groundhog Day on occasion because it is such a great example of karma and samsara. Whenever I recognize a pattern repeating within myself, either by thought to action, I hear this little voice of warning saying “iiiiittt’s GROUNDHOG DAY! Wake up, you’re about to do it all again!”
Today I was a busy bee. The kids will be home in less than 2 weeks and school starts in less than a month, so I’ve been renovating the house and their rooms. I can’t wait to see them again. When we FaceTime I can tell they’ve grown and their hair has gotten longer. It’s only been a month but it feels like forever. But for now, the “me” right now has a fairly open schedule to do whatever it is I need to do for myself and there is no need to worry about them. They are safe and happy and having fun. I have been reading and writing and working and doing all the house things I wanted to do. I’ve been living off bacon and eggs, and chef salads, and tuna pouches. I love to cook but I absolutely hate cooking for just myself. (My grocery bill has been very low and I’ve lost 5 lbs.! It’s a win-win!)
The “me” I am right now is pretty content, despite missing my not-so-tiny humans. The feeling like I needed to make big changes has started to fade away but I don’t feel resigned to staying, just content to be where I am.
Here I am,